Dating your ex after divorce
You must do the same thing when you are working at disentangling yourself from your ex after divorce.
Create an environment that will help, not hinder your progress towards true independence.
Within this framework you are free to do the inner work of healing.
My ex and I had a fairly amiable divorce and we have managed to move out of each other's lives albeit for the children. In reading the book, Leaving Him Behind by Sandra Kahn, she mentioned something that set off a light for me.
There are those women who cannot have their ex in their lives for any reason other than the children.
Their emotional ties to their ex are still strong and they need to isolate themselves in order to break those ties.
Keep all communication limited to only what is necessary for the kids or legal matters. When an upset is looming or when your ex starts to speak to you in appropriate ways, stop the conversation and hang up or walk away. 4) Keep your conversations highly impersonal and to the point. Do not discuss your fears, concerns or personal issues because that only maintains the emotional tie between the two of you. 8) Consider your child support or your alimony as your money and not a gift from him or an obligation.
Let your ex know this new ground rule: you will speak to one another in respectful ways and will not tolerate anything else or the conversation is over. Don't talk about anything that opens the door to more connections or emotional entanglements. 5) Do not involve the children in any communication between the two of you. Your money, no matter how it is acquired, is your money.
This is the real work of divorce recovery: becoming a single woman possessed of confidence, self-esteem, and an enthusiasm for life and most important, a complete break from the emotional turmoil that led to your divorce in the first place.
He knows the code to my house lock and oftentimes enters on his own. This is my house and I should have laid down he ground rules that said he is to knock on the front door just like any other houseguest.
He has the tendency to walk into the house, open the refrigerator door and grabs something to eat, which is exactly what he always did when we were married. Houseguests do not help themselves to the food in my refrigerator.
Remove all the temptations to stay connected to your ex.
Here are some ideas to help you reclaim your space after divorce.
Set ground rules that determine the nature of this new relationship. I remember in the early part of my separation, I continued to treat him as my husband when I called upon him for assistance with the kids. Handle it yourself by getting support from friends or family.